How To Be A Writer: A Step by Step Guide

Step 1:

Be the weird kid in the corner no one wants to play with. (Optional: have dark thoughts, be a little narcissistic or find someone to steal your innocence)

Step 2:

Hide. Where it's dark. Under the bed, the cupboard under the stairs, in the darkest recesses of your mind. Write about the monsters in the cupboard. Be told you have a wonderful imagination.

Step 3:

Grow up. Stay in the corner where no one wants to talk to you. Talk about the monsters that dwell inside. Be told you're a little bit fucked up.

Step 4:

Alcohol. Drugs. Promiscuity.

Step 5:

Have your heart broken. Break hearts. Die once or twice. (Optional: therapy. Alcohol. Drugs. Abstinence.)

Step 6:

Congratulate yourself for making it this far. Write the bitterness and pain away. (Optional: give up on numerous occasions. Therapy in the form of caffeine, nicotine and alcohol.)

I Don't Know What TOG This Duvet Is.

I am in my bed.
On my own.
This is the first time in seven years I have slept alone.
It feels odd.
But 'liberating' too.
Now I can sleep any which way I want to.
I have no pillows.
Or bed covers.
At least I have a duvet.