Tonight Would Not Be The End

i.

Do something for yourself, they told her.
Do something out of the ordinary, they said.

And so she threw caution to the wind, logic took a step out of the window, her heart took over. This was her chance; to finally do something that she wanted, something extraordinary. A chance for something new, happiness.

Only it turned out she shouldn’t have. She should never have given her heart in say in matters. Because now she’s back where she started; out in the cold, heart broken and sadness engulfing.The extraordinary fast becoming ordinary.

ii.

Don’t get attached, she always said.
Don’t let anyone in too far, she promised.

Only, this time, she forgot to close to the door to the gilded cage she liked to keep herself in. She let him in too far, let him see all of her. She let him touch her scars and feel her flaws and know her inside and out. She forgot to guard herself, like she always had done. Those were her first mistakes.

She believed him when he said he could love her with her flaws and secret ugliness. She should never have believed those words. Words are just words, after all. Moments of love are just fleeting.

Now she sits, hopelessly searching for the key to her gilded cage. Promising never to come back out. Emotions and attachment are too much for her to deal with. Heartbreak is something she’s never had before, and never wants again. She’s back to being the one keeping others at arm’s length.

iii.

You’re worthless, they whispered.
You’re undeserving, they screamed.

And so she heard them, and listened. She tried to drown them out; tried to distract herself.
She put on her prettiest dress, and fixed her tear stained face. She began walking along the long path of self destruction. Hate filled and sorrowful.

Soon she found herself in her favourite place. Stars filled the sky as the river rushed past. She climbed up on the railing and thought of ending it all. No more misery.

Then she thought of all those who loved her; R, her flame-haired Jiminy Cricket. S, the one who is always there. K, who never fails to make her smile. B, the one who accepted her when all others turned her away. She shook her head, and with it the fuzziness. Tonight would not be the end of her.